Whoa!!! Been away for quite some time!!!

Wow!! How long has it been? I can NOT believe all that I've left on this spot for people to read. Okay...I'm not what you'd call your loyal blogger. I think it's nice to have this blog spot because I can just put some things on my mind in writing whenever I feel like it. It's exactly why my e spot has the title name that it does. Time just flies because life happens...there's really no big, big explanation for why I haven't posted in so long. Over the years, I discovered myspace, and FB and fell into the trap of posting pics and saying whatever, making comments, giving shout outs. It's all good. I don't hate social networking...it's still communication. This...this thing right here...the e spot...it's just a public diary...anywho, that's how I feel about it.

Let's see...the last time I wrote something up here, I was talking about how great I felt about leaving the job with the brown trucks. I STILL feel that way. However, I'm no longer in love with current place of employment, but what can a person do but be thankful to his almighty for providing us with what we need when what we want may not always be good for us. I don't think that there are too many folks out there with jobs that they can say they truly love. If such people exist, they don't exist where I work. EVeryone at my place of employment seems pretty much thankful to be even working because the job market just hasn't been great and it still doesn't seem to be getting any better. Life is just going on and we're all just doing what JAH is calling for us to do. I ask JAH everyday to please help me escape and just land that dream life, not that dream JOB. Happiness is NOT a good job, happiness is doing what you want to do, whenever you feel like and still having enough money left to pay your bills, travel, eat what you want, do a little yoga and just live your life. That's my definition. Don't know who out there feels the same way. I know I'm not the only one though.

My mom passed away on March 4, 2011 @ 7:45a.m. I was there with her in the hospice for three days and nights before I saw her take her final breaths. I will miss you so much MOM. We had our falling outs, out scream matches, our disagreements, our long conversations, our HUn and Dada, our trips to coney island, me and the different boyfriends over the years, her and her sometimes delusional thoughts about EVERYONE, including myself...we had alot. We had LOVE. I will miss her greatly...more than words can imagine. I still can't believe she's gone...that's life too. That's life too. New born, growth, maturity, old age, sickness, death. Death really sucks...but it's part of life. I'm gonna miss you so much MOM. I love you. You were the only person I could vent with over the phone with for hours at a time. I can't do that shit with nobody else but you, MOM. I love you and I know that as long as I live, until I take my last breath...you will live in my heart, all the rest of my life. May JAH keep you...and please, please give Dada a truly big hug for me up there...wherever you are. Love you MOM. Bless UP!!

Better Job, Better Opportunities

This is better. No more brown trucks. I'm so glad that I left that place. I feel better although I will be paying student loans until death...it's still all good. I actually like my new job...I still have to get past the newbie feeling, but now I'm actually home with my daughter more...I can cook more often for her, spend time, help her with her homework. That midnight shift crap is over. All praises to the Most High!! Bless Up and More Love!!

20th annual ancestors of the middle passage -- I missed it!

Damn!!! I missed the ancestors of the middle passage ceremony for this year (20th annual). I have to remember to keep in mind each year that the ceremony is always around the same time of the Puerto Rican Day parade (the day before, I think). Anyway, it's always on the same weekend as the PRDP. How I forgot that, I don't even know. So upset with myself because I could have taken some really nice pictures. Next year, Jah willing, I'll be there.

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year All!! Time for new beginnings. Just had another birthday. Not Old, just better, more understanding, working on tolerance and always remaining Thankful and humble to the divine, almighty, the creator, whatever you want to call our great wonder...the one we look up to in the sky for guidance. You know?

Listen. It's easy to listen, but you have to HEAR with everything else. Don't pretend to know everything because none of us really do. Every one is always saying, "yeah, yeah...I know, I know." In reality we don't know much, no matter how much shit you've memorized or learned in school. Everyday there's a new lesson to learn. Take the time out to listen to others because you never know what you might learn. The message today..."Shut the hell up and LISTEN!!! More Love and Many Blessings in the name of the most high.

The 19th Annual Ancestors of the Middle Passage on Coney Island

Hi All!! I went to the Ancestors of the Middle Passage tribute again this year and this time I took more pics than before. I have attended with my daughter the last two tributes, and this is the first time that I was able to stay for the last part of the tribute and I have to say that it was very uplifting. There were very talented poets and African drumming and it was just a beautiful day. My daughter missed out because she is growing up and decided that hanging out with Mommy is no longer her thing, but I regret to say that she missed out on a truly, marvelous day. My Mom went with me and it was her first time attending this tribute and she expressed her joy and told me that she'd like to attend with me again next year. We had a beautiful day filled with togetherness with other folks with links to the African Diaspora and we bonded even more than than we have been already. What else can I say -- It was a beautiful day!! Seconds before the tribute ended there was a serious thunder shower but that did absolutely NOTHING to dampen the spirit of a very wonderful afternoon. One Blessed Love. Enjoy the pics. Bless.

I wonder about him. Not the ex, but my old boyfriend.

Committment. What is the deal? I did something bad a while ago. I left him because I wanted more of his time. Turns out, I left him for someone who wasn't worth my time. Then what did I do? I went and married a West African who also wasn't worth my time, but HE made me feel as though I was not worth HIS time. Well...the past is the past, he acquired his green card and I haven't seen him since. Good riddance!!! It took a while for me to get over, but it turned out for the best. He did me a HUGE favor. I Thank JAH each and everyday for the blessings that I have. I have a wonderful daughter, I have a loving mother who he's given me the opportunity to be the best of friends with and I still have my health. Praise JAH!!

Now back to the committment thing. My man of eight years, yes eight years...he has been my boyfriend for so many years and I was still seeing him while I was married. Sounds bad right? Well...It was for a reason. When I got married the the West African, we didn't live together. Sounds like trouble from the start right? Well it was. He said that he couldn't afford a place. I definitely could not afford one on my salary, so I just waited and tried to save money, but it didn't look like he was saving any of his. I should have known that he was never really planning to stay the long haul with me. I just stayed in denial. My mom told me about this brotha'...She said..."be careful...I don't trust that n****!!!" I kept saying that she was wrong about him while I was still living in her house. She was right all along.

Anyway, how can I expect the real love of my life to trust me anymore when I left him twice? Let's get to why I left him in the first place. He never seemed to really want to committ. In the past, whenever I'd bring up the subject of US and the future...there was always some story. After all of these years and changes we've been through...still the same s**t!! There is so much more to this dilema, I just can't put it ALL down. It's complicated and so is my old boyfriend.

I'm not a floosy...I'm just woozy and exhausted from my thoughts, my job, my bad career choices, my classes, too many bosses at the job...everyday shish!!! Now I'm just writing about shish that makes no sense at all. Let me just close this.

Wait...Can you relate? Have you ever loved and cried so hard it felt like you couldn't breathe? I can't cry over brotha's any more. I can't. I think it's a good thing because that shit will make you crazy. Love and it's tribulations will make you a crazy ass and crazy doesn't live with me anymore. Good night and Jah Bless!!

Happy New Year!!

Time for so many changes. I want to free myself from this job because basically there is no chance for promotion; unless you are an a**hole with something (nothing really) to prove, or an a** kisser. In explanation from newly promoted individuals, they fit the above profile. When upper-management fit the same characteristics, the cycle continues to repeat itself, and can you say FAVORITISM?

I will be applying for a divorce this year; just waiting to file my income taxes so that I can pay a lawyer. I want to erase that SANGARE from my life. So weird how I have to do that, seeing as how I never really KNEW my husband the way that a wife is supposed to know her husband. I still think of him from time to time, but I've finally gotten over him, realizing that he never loved me to begin with. I am now OKAY with that fact.