I still think about him everyday. I still wish that I could run into his best friend, Papa and ask him if he knew that Youssouf had planned to leave me from the beginning. He changed so suddenly. I was always a bit leary of his plans. I just didn't want to face the fact that this man who told me that we'd have a future together, this man who told me that I was his life; "you are my life", he used to say that looking straight into my eyes without blinking. I just don't understand why this is still so painful for me. I have cried my eyes out over this situation a countless number of times to the point where it became hard for me to breathe. I was crying like that when we were together because things never seemed right. He never took me out, only once in a blue moon. He took me out for my birthday once, for the entire three years that we were married. OK, OK...let me just sign out, I can't keep doing this to myself. It just feels good to write it down, just let it out, in a way.
5 comments:
WOW! I am so sorry that you're going through this. Take the time you need to heal; don't let anyone tell you that "it's time to get over this," only you and God know... It takes a lot of courage to share so nakedly as you have in this blog. Know that you are in my prayers, and as part of the lovinlocs fam, I'm sure there are many standing in the gap for you!
Blessings
his best friend may not reveal that he knew about your husband's intentions. i'm so sorry this happened to you. it will take time to heal, but you will be ok. i totally agree what "jacqueline" stated that there are many standing in the gap for you! and i mean the right one.
Blessings girlfriend! I was checking out posts on Lovinlocs and hit the link to your blog. Thank you for sharing such intimate thoughts. That is not an easy thing to do. You are a fearless daughter! I believe you are getting through this thing better than you realize. It takes a huge amount of courge just to share the situation. It sounds like you are taking the negative and building strength, inner strength from it. I do understand the pain of being betrayed. It is an actual, physical pain that is felt in the heart. Every time you feel that pain, make a positive and true statement about yourself. it will bring progress - just like a birth pang. Every time the pain hits, the baby comes a little closer to being here. It's strange how you can feel things through a computer screen, but you can - and I can feel your strength and determination, you creativeness, and your huge heart of compassion and love. Your future will bring you much better things as you continue climbing - and I pray the man who will be your true blessing, will have a heart with the capacity to hold all that you have to give. One day you may look back and say, "Wow! if I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't be where I am, and so ecstatically happy right now." Peace and Blessings always. Ang
I know I'm so late probably but I just had to come in and say something. This is a very hard thing that you are going through right now and I know it because I'm in a similar situation dating someone who is outside of the country and hoping that he loves me for me and not for a potential green card. It scares me and saddens me that people do things like this, but you are SOOO much better off without him in your life. Time heals all wounds and take comfort in the fact that you don't have to do anything at all and one day he will get what's coming to him and when he does, you will just say, "Thank God that He removed him from my life before He dropped that hammer down on him!" Promise me (and more importantly, promise yourself) this: No matter how many times you are hurt or relationships go awry, that you will NEVER give up on love. Being in love means that you are taking a chance and often some of the best relationships come from taking a chance but don't let this taint you to the point where you will be unwilling to ever take that chance again. That is when you will truely be missing out. Think of the good times you had with this man and now get back out there and find that man that truely deserves you!!
Hi, this is probably waaaaay late, but I wanted to tell you that I was in the same situation as you. I'm a black British woman who married a white American man, who it turned out, just wanted residency in the UK. Six or seven years on, I still think about him every day (but not in a good way! I want to hear he's got his come-uppance).However, becoming free of him, freed me to marry my wonderful husband, who loves me without boundaries, is my best friend, and so supportive of me. You will be blessed with the right man for you and as for him ... he'll get his, don't worry. Stay strong
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