3 knocks at 3 am -- a little story time for you

 Are you spooked by little things that go bump in the night?  Maybe don't be petrified.  I'm not Haitian, but ever since I visited a Voudou fete a few years ago (about two or three years ago), I've had weird dreams before attending the event and now way after that.  Long story short, It wasn't just the fete.  I've ALWAYS had some sort of attachment with the spirit world.  When I talk about the fete, I don't think it was just the people that attended the event.  I think (no, I believe) there's MORE to it than that.  No matter what anyone says, there is a connection I have somehow, some way to certain esoteric stuff.  I've always been drawn to something. Even as a child.  You could as my "aunt" Jenny, if she was still alive.  She would tell you.  I used to see a beautiful black man dressed in all white, standing in her storage space.  She lived in a basement type apartment back in Newark.  It was spooky down in the apartment to begin with.  I wasn't never scared though, because my "aunt" Jenny ALWAYS took care of me like I was her own daughter.  She loved me and Keetee just like we were her kids.  You would of thought she gave birth to us both.  Now, I keep typing "aunt" like this because she wasn't really my Aunt, but she was still very much my family.  She was my Dad's girlfriend before he met my Mom.  My Mom was okay with that because she didn't get jealous.  She use to let "aunt" Jenny baby sit us for special weekends. 

Back to the subject about things that go bump in the night.  Last night, well this morning at 3:30am I heard THREE knocks on my bedroom door and those knocks were clear sounding as water beating on a tin roof.  "Tock, Tock, Tock." I got up and was like "Sky."  I thought it was my Daughter knocking on my bedroom door.  I opened the door and wasn't nobody there but the cat Beyonce.  (Yes. that is her real name).  I asked my boyfriend if he heard some knocking on the door and he said "no one was knocking on the door
Mami."  "Please to don't start acting crasy."  He has an accent.  Anyway, before I went to sleep, I was watching this YouTube channel of a lady called African Tigress. She was visiting Bwa Caiman. Come to find out, not only is it the ceremony that the Haitians performed prior to freeing themselves from slavery On the night of August 14, 1791, it is also an actual place in Haiti. The tigress was interviewing some folks and she went in to a few ritual rooms at the location and there were drawings on the walls of different loa (haitian spirits).  One that stood out prevently to me was Bawon Samedi.  This drawing was too loud in my mind before I went to sleep.  I went to sleep so nice and peacefully prior to the three knocks on my bedroom door. "Tock, Tock, Tock." Three rapid and loud knocks.  I ain't fucking crazy.  I know what I heard.  I went to the bathroom after I saw no one was there.  When I went back to sleep, which wasn't easy for me to do afterwards, I DID eventually fall back to sleep and had the weirdest dream about a really pretty lady with a nice weave who was dressed in black and purple and her outfit had specks of white in it.  I was in some apartment with her and she was about to kill me.  She has TWO curved swords in her and and said to me that "the time has come."  I was like no the time has not, and I started climbing out the window from the apartment on some tv cable wires.  You know how dreams switch up when you're in one place and then you suddenly end up in another.  Once I climbed out that window, I ended up some where else with some people scattered around me, like in a fete. All there out in the open with nothing to protect me.  That's how it felt when I went to that fancy Voudou fete I attended a few years ago.  I was around a bunch of folks I didn't know, who probably were a bit "shady" in the first place.  Anyway, that's another story.  The place I ended up in, in the dream was weird and somehow, that pretty lady with the nice weave still wanted to kill me for no damned reason.  Suddenly, I woke up.  I thought my boyfriend said something and he said, "babe please, don't start to acting crasy."  

I guess I won't be attending the next fete that is coming up this Saturday (fete Erzili).  I really wanted to go, but I don't want to pay $107 or VIP price $157 to go.  It's fancy and a bit pricey.  That's not even the main problem.  The bigger problem is some of the folks who attend aren't too friendly.  It's a certain vibe that can be felt and it's a vibe that gives the impression, "you're welcome but you're not really welcomed." I'll save my money and my time. Thank you. 

Consistency

 Yeah. Consistency is key but you gotta make the time to be in that place, doing that thing, go make it happen. 

BigMelRuns when I FEEL like!! You see what the name of this blog is right?

Note to self

Me and the run squad!! We run this. Nice girls. My favorite part of our Saturday runs is the discussions we have. Running is good for the soul, the stress, and the heart. Bless up to my girls!! One Love and More Love and More exercise.

 

Note to self:  Great friendships are built around acceptance, love, positive vibes and loads of laughter!!

Ancestors of the Middle Passage Celebration 2016 -- Never forget the Ancestors!!

Ancestors of the Middle Passage was fun this year. June 2016. My former Co-worker joined me and she really enjoyed herself.  Very cool person to hang out with and it was a cool day, although the sun was beaming.  That's what summer is supposed to be like.  Still missed my Momma though.  Her spirit was with me, no doubt about that.

First Half Marathon Evah!!!! Did it!!

It's been over two months ago, almost three!! May 21, 2016, I'll never forget. Such a fun day.

Wogger/Runner/Walker

Call it whatever you want. I've been "running" for almost a year now and I actually like it.  My best friend "put me on to the running fever."  I still haven't caught "that runner's high," only because I still run/walk or "wog."  I still love it and I love the feeling of finishing a little three or four mile run.  I still feel like I'm dying when I do a 10k run, although as a beginner I did my first half marathon -- The Brookly Air BnB Half marathon!!  It took me 3:36:10, yeah that's slow as hell, but you know what?  I finished it and I have to t-shirt and medal to prove it.  I "wogged," ran, and still made it.  It was a great feeling to finish that.  Love me some Brooklyn!  Let's see how I do on my next half marathon in October.  Hope I feel that "runner's high" one of these days.  We'll see. 

This is last year at one of the third events I ever entered. NYRR Dash to the Finish 5K 2015.

This was fun!! I do it because I like it!!

Ancestors of the Middle Passage is coming up next Saturday. I'm looking forward to being there on the boardwalk. I'm gonna miss my Mom, Emerial Jean Williams-Bashien, sitting on the board walk with me.  I just wish I could turn back time, and erase cancer from any part of her body, just so we could spend more time together. 

"Ain't nobody like your Momma," she always used to say that. She was right too. I can't speak to anyone else the same way I spoke to her.  There were times when I thought she wasn't listening, but she was always listening, no matter how annoying I was. She had no problem letting me know when I was being a pain in the a**.  We had our times where we would just explode at one another for many reasons, but now...I've gotta pour a cup of water, rum or wine by her ashes, wait for the liquid to evaporate, to just imagine she's taking a sip to quench her thirst.  I miss you Mom, and I wish you were here to actually take a little sip of wine with me. This shit is so fucking wack!!! I hate that you're gone!! June 1,  2013 you would have turned 76!! I was gonna take you to Saigon Grill again...completely lost on Mother's day, I didn't even know what to do with myself. I still cant save money well, and shit is just crazy. Greg still gets on my nerves, but I still love his mixed up self...what am I gonna do Mom? I feel like a big chunk is missing, a big chunk of my life is missing, and it's you.  I will go on, as I'm supposed to because I know that's what you would have told me to do. I have to just keep pushing, keep moving, keep on going, until I can't no more.  I wish you were here with me mom. I'm scared that I'm gonna keep fucking up money and end up in a fucking shelter or something.  I'm gonna keep hoping and praying that "the man upstairs," will help me out. "Let's see," as you would say. 

Ancestors of the Middle Passage 2012....Coney Island Beach!!

Picture above is from 2010 AOTMP

Mom was with me in spirit this year...Love U Mom

I made it this year.  Glad I didn't miss such a beautiful event.  I love to see black people celebrating black Africaness!! It's definite Roots and Culture.  My Mom's spirit was with me with Yemaya, Ogun, Oshun, all the Orisha people and spirits, RastafarI and the ancestors whose names I can not name, they were all there with me and all the other beautiful black people.  Playing drums, delivering messages of Love, Hope, happiness, freedom, world conciousness, so much information. 

Jamaica, Jamaica!!!

Jamaica is a beautiful place!! I went with two wonderful people, my best friend from childhood (in the fancy sunglasses) and our beautiful tall friend. We enjoyed the hotel and the local sites of Jamaica, Ocho Rios (to be more specifc.  We went to the town to visit some of the locals and we saw local art, bought a few trinkets, went to a market place with a meat market inside (didn't take pics of the meat market  -- it smelled really, not too nice inside the meat market).  Anyway, I hope to visit Jamaica real soon again. Maybe Negril next time!!! Such a wonderful place with great people and an interesting history!!! Loved it!!

Happy New Year!!! Waiting for that shit to get happy.... i guess only I can make it so...stay tuned for pics of my trip when I get back from Jamaica...can't wait...my first time out of the USA since I was twevle years old... Damn!!!! that was just waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too long ago!!!
Anywhy, until then homeslice!!

I need to get back into shape. Let's face it, as much as I'm annoyed by her ass, Jillian Michaels is right! You have to make yourself dedicated to working out at least 5 days per week for 30 minutes a day.  If you eating habits don't change, however, I'm just gonna keep blowin' up, and NOT in a good way. Every time I look in the mirror now, I'm asking myself the same question..."WTF happened to my body?! I used to have a nice little slim thing going on.  Look...you hit 40+ and the weight just gets harder to take off.  I have to push myself to hit that gym after work...no matter how drained I am after work. Work IS a drag...but it's work and it's just another part of what I have to do.

On another topic...I've learned to keep brief encounters behind me. When you've got something good, Ladies...just hold on to it.  Nobody's perfect...I'm not saying to settle for what you've got if the shit ain't working....but a good man is a good man. C'mon. I played myself, briefly trying to hold on to my youth (what's left of it). Sometimes a little young bastard is all that a person can be...that's what you get for not letting a little bastard grow or that's what older sistas get for f***** with little up ripened bastards who still need a chance to grow.  Unless you can deal that type of shit...it's best to leave it alone or stick with what you know best.  If you don't know what I'm taking about...then this message is only for the grown and sexy, who know what's up when you stray away and do stupid shit sometimes.  Don't do it unless you can handle NOT getting emotional about little selfish young bastards.  Take this advice seriously.  Time is just too precious and so is your f****** heart and mind.

Bye 'til next time.

Whoa!!! Been away for quite some time!!!

Wow!! How long has it been? I can NOT believe all that I've left on this spot for people to read. Okay...I'm not what you'd call your loyal blogger. I think it's nice to have this blog spot because I can just put some things on my mind in writing whenever I feel like it. It's exactly why my e spot has the title name that it does. Time just flies because life happens...there's really no big, big explanation for why I haven't posted in so long. Over the years, I discovered myspace, and FB and fell into the trap of posting pics and saying whatever, making comments, giving shout outs. It's all good. I don't hate social networking...it's still communication. This...this thing right here...the e spot...it's just a public diary...anywho, that's how I feel about it.

Let's see...the last time I wrote something up here, I was talking about how great I felt about leaving the job with the brown trucks. I STILL feel that way. However, I'm no longer in love with current place of employment, but what can a person do but be thankful to his almighty for providing us with what we need when what we want may not always be good for us. I don't think that there are too many folks out there with jobs that they can say they truly love. If such people exist, they don't exist where I work. EVeryone at my place of employment seems pretty much thankful to be even working because the job market just hasn't been great and it still doesn't seem to be getting any better. Life is just going on and we're all just doing what JAH is calling for us to do. I ask JAH everyday to please help me escape and just land that dream life, not that dream JOB. Happiness is NOT a good job, happiness is doing what you want to do, whenever you feel like and still having enough money left to pay your bills, travel, eat what you want, do a little yoga and just live your life. That's my definition. Don't know who out there feels the same way. I know I'm not the only one though.

My mom passed away on March 4, 2011 @ 7:45a.m. I was there with her in the hospice for three days and nights before I saw her take her final breaths. I will miss you so much MOM. We had our falling outs, out scream matches, our disagreements, our long conversations, our HUn and Dada, our trips to coney island, me and the different boyfriends over the years, her and her sometimes delusional thoughts about EVERYONE, including myself...we had alot. We had LOVE. I will miss her greatly...more than words can imagine. I still can't believe she's gone...that's life too. That's life too. New born, growth, maturity, old age, sickness, death. Death really sucks...but it's part of life. I'm gonna miss you so much MOM. I love you. You were the only person I could vent with over the phone with for hours at a time. I can't do that shit with nobody else but you, MOM. I love you and I know that as long as I live, until I take my last breath...you will live in my heart, all the rest of my life. May JAH keep you...and please, please give Dada a truly big hug for me up there...wherever you are. Love you MOM. Bless UP!!

Better Job, Better Opportunities

This is better. No more brown trucks. I'm so glad that I left that place. I feel better although I will be paying student loans until death...it's still all good. I actually like my new job...I still have to get past the newbie feeling, but now I'm actually home with my daughter more...I can cook more often for her, spend time, help her with her homework. That midnight shift crap is over. All praises to the Most High!! Bless Up and More Love!!

20th annual ancestors of the middle passage -- I missed it!

Damn!!! I missed the ancestors of the middle passage ceremony for this year (20th annual). I have to remember to keep in mind each year that the ceremony is always around the same time of the Puerto Rican Day parade (the day before, I think). Anyway, it's always on the same weekend as the PRDP. How I forgot that, I don't even know. So upset with myself because I could have taken some really nice pictures. Next year, Jah willing, I'll be there.

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year All!! Time for new beginnings. Just had another birthday. Not Old, just better, more understanding, working on tolerance and always remaining Thankful and humble to the divine, almighty, the creator, whatever you want to call our great wonder...the one we look up to in the sky for guidance. You know?

Listen. It's easy to listen, but you have to HEAR with everything else. Don't pretend to know everything because none of us really do. Every one is always saying, "yeah, yeah...I know, I know." In reality we don't know much, no matter how much shit you've memorized or learned in school. Everyday there's a new lesson to learn. Take the time out to listen to others because you never know what you might learn. The message today..."Shut the hell up and LISTEN!!! More Love and Many Blessings in the name of the most high.

The 19th Annual Ancestors of the Middle Passage on Coney Island

Hi All!! I went to the Ancestors of the Middle Passage tribute again this year and this time I took more pics than before. I have attended with my daughter the last two tributes, and this is the first time that I was able to stay for the last part of the tribute and I have to say that it was very uplifting. There were very talented poets and African drumming and it was just a beautiful day. My daughter missed out because she is growing up and decided that hanging out with Mommy is no longer her thing, but I regret to say that she missed out on a truly, marvelous day. My Mom went with me and it was her first time attending this tribute and she expressed her joy and told me that she'd like to attend with me again next year. We had a beautiful day filled with togetherness with other folks with links to the African Diaspora and we bonded even more than than we have been already. What else can I say -- It was a beautiful day!! Seconds before the tribute ended there was a serious thunder shower but that did absolutely NOTHING to dampen the spirit of a very wonderful afternoon. One Blessed Love. Enjoy the pics. Bless.